askmama.mobi
Moms' Stories
Modern man, rural girl

I met him in town when we were buying groceries for my uncle’s funeral. I had noticed him looking at me for several times. He asked me for my number. He used to call me at night and we would spend hours talking and laughing.

We dated for 2 years and I got pregnant. I told him the news and that’s when we began to fight. Before that we had been hiding our relationship but now I said that he had to choose if I'll come to his house or he will come to my house to live. He disagreed.  I noticed only then that 'usindisiwe' -  he doesn’t approve of cultural and traditional ways .

He would say it is backward and satanic so that made us argue a lot.  We did not agree on the same things at all. Things got worse and he didn’t call me anymore. Then I started showing and everyone asked… Who’s the baby’s father? Where is his home?

It was so embarrassing that he didn’t even take me to his home. My family didn’t stand for it. They called him and said 'we are coming over'. So all the women drove there and they didn’t’ even let us inside. We were told that he would pay the `damages` and we were told to leave. I was so hurt.

But when I gave birth at the hospital he came. His family also came prayed and welcomed my boy. It was nice until my family arrived and caused a scene about him not have paid damages yet. They said they refused for them to see the baby until he does what’s right and this time they demanded lobola as well!

We went home and I thought he would leave me forever. But when my baby was 3 months they paid the damages and the lobola  - even though if was extremely high! I was so surprised. 

Today we are happily married but we have our differences. He is a modern man and he doesn’t like the old ways.

When the baby is sick I would suggest to see a sangoma or prophet or burn impepho or agcabe - which my husband is totally against it. But we are together and we are happy. Learning each other’s ways will take time.

Give your baby the best of both backgrounds. But remember that your clinic knows best. Many traditional beliefs are not supported by science  and herbal remedies can be bad for your baby. Your doctor will be able to tell you what is best for your baby's health. 

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